Saturday, April 4, 2009

When the Revolution Comes...

I had a great night Friday, getting together back at my former home (both in terms of the city and the bar) with some friends I'd not seen in many months or in one case, many years.

The annoyance kicked in this morning. ('Cause a good day has to be followed by some sort of crap to maintain the world's natural balance.) To be precise, it kicked in around 4:30 this morning, when I woke up after only approximately four hours of sleep. I tossed and turned until 5:15 before I finally gave up, showered, dressed, checked out of the hotel, and started the 4.5 hour drive back home at 5:45 this morning.

But that was fine, because leaving at that hour on a Saturday morning meant that there would be no traffic on the highway, right? Right. Or, one would certainly think so, anyway.

Within 30 seconds of hitting the interstate, realized that I was starting back home on the same day that families were leaving for spring vacations the week before Easter. Well, crap. It was heavy traffic the entire way down into North Carolina.

I came up with two new rules as a result of the traffic and related mess:

1. If I'm waiting in line behind you at a coffee shop and I'm having a serious caffeine fit (believe me, you'll know whether or not I'm having such a fit), you forfeit your right to any caffeine products if you insist on asking for descriptions of different espresso drinks and then end up ordering the most complicated drink imaginable. No, when I'm behind you in such situations, you need to order a plain coffee or get the hell out of my way. Is that clear? Good.

2. When the revolution comes, my first act will be to kill all of the Maryland drivers. You motherf*****s can eat sh*t and die. Is that also clear? Good. Oh, and don't think that you're going to be able to avoid your bloody fate simply by moving elsewhere: we'll know you're really from Maryland the moment you have a conniption behind the wheel because I suddenly slowed down to 10 MPH under the posted speed when you decided to ride my ass even while I'm passing other cars. Today, that earns you a big one-finger salute from me as you pass. Tomorrow? Well, it might not be my finger that I'm pointing in your direction.


  1. Man, can I relate! I make it a point to stay out of the car and in my 3 mile radius 'eye of the DC hurricane' zone as much as possible. But this morning drove out to Chantilly and vowed to stay out of the car for at least two weeks. Seriously dangerous out there, and people think firearms are dangerous...

  2. A55holes and morons are the only things that keep me awake on my morning commute. I'll try to make sure they stay up here in the DC 'burbs, where they belong. Sorry 'bout that ;)